


Holding Out Hope

by ALargeBear



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-10
Updated: 2016-09-10
Packaged: 2018-08-14 04:15:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7998202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ALargeBear/pseuds/ALargeBear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If Honoka asked Kotori to wait for her than she would wait, no matter how long it took.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Holding Out Hope

* * *

It was a day of bliss for many of the students at Otonokizaka. After all their hard work it was finally time to earn their diplomas and move onto the new and exciting adventures that awaited them as they began on the path to adulthood.

The school was abuzz with excitement. Graduates discussing their future plans, pictures being taken, and promises being made amongst friends to stay together forever. Everyone naively felt as if they held the world in the palm of their hands, and if they could accomplish this much than they could accomplish anything.

With her diploma in hand, Kotori stood alone under a familiar tree in the school's courtyard. Umi had mentioned something about a family celebration for her graduation, leaving her alone to wait for someone special to finish her final duties as student council president.

"Thanks for waiting Kotori!"

Kotori turned toward the shout, a smile working its way onto her face.

"How did everything go Honoka?" Kotori asked, she was brought into a tight embrace that she was quick to return.

"It went fine," Honoka answered in between a quick kiss with the girl in her arms. "Maki will make a really good president next year."

Kotori hummed her approval while resting her head on Honoka's shoulder. Enjoying the warmth and serenity of the moment for a while longer as she squeezed her love even tighter, dreading the conversation that she knew was soon to follow.

Honoka was the first to break up the moment. Putting her hands on Kotori's shoulders she gently pushed, putting a small distance between the two of them.

"Do you really have to do this Honoka?" Kotori's voice was strained, tears threatening to fall at any moment as she stared down at her feet. She knew if she were to meet Honoka's eyes now she wouldn't be able to hold herself together, and she knew that Honoka wouldn't be fairing much better.

"I'm really sorry about this Kotori."

Kotori listened to the emotionally charged and strained words, devoid of her girlfriends warmth that she had come to cherish so deeply. Her tears were falling now, staining her cheeks as she sobbed.

"But why? You love me, so why can't you do something else?" Kotori knew the answer to her own question. The two of them had already been over it many times in the past months and they both agreed that this would be for the best. That didn't make any of this easier to cope with.

"We've talked about this already," Honoka was openly crying as well, Kotori could see her tears fall onto the grass below as she continued staring down at her feet. "I'm not smart like you and Umi so I can't go to a good university or anything like that. This is the best opportunity for me to take care of myself and do something I enjoy at the same time."

"I know," Kotori pulled back into the embrace letting herself sob into her lover's shoulder. "When's the audition?"

"They want to meet with me this weekend to try out. They say I have a good chance since Muse was so popular," Honoka's answer was muffled, her face buried into Kotori's hair.

"I know you'll be a wonderful idol Honoka."

"Thank you."

They silently embraced, sobbing their worries out with one another. Kotori knew this may be the last time they could be together like this. The world that Honoka was going into didn't take kindly to romantic relationships, and it could seriously damage Honoka's chances of becoming a professional idol. It hurt so much to know that she was going to be separated for years, if not permanently, from the person she loved so dearly.

"Kotori, I'm going to ask you something really selfish," Kotori felt Honoka cup her chin and tilt her head up so the two were now facing one another. Kotori could only see sadness and worry in Honoka's deep blue eyes which we're normally filled with so much hope and happiness. "I know it's not very fair to you, but I want to ask you to wait for me."

Kotori swallowed down the large lump building in her throat but didn't answer. Instead looking on at the girl before her, urging her to continue.

"I don't know how long my idol career will last or if it will even work out, but I want you to promise me that you'll wait," Honoka wiped her eyes and took in a deep breath to keep from breaking completely. "I love you so much and I promise you that's never going to change. I just want to hear you say you'll still love me no matter how long you have to wait, because I promise that when all of this is over I'll still love you."

Kotori had never seen Honoka so fragile. So instead of responding, she simply wrapped her arms around her love's neck and pulled her into a deep and desperate kiss. They stayed together for what seemed like forever, neither wanting to pull away knowing that this may be the last they share together for a long time to come.

Kotori pulled away first.

"I'll wait for you Honoka," they shared another quick peck on the lips. "I love you and that's never going to change."

Kotori knew that if there was anyone she could trust to keep such an uncertain promise it was the young woman she held onto so tightly. She would wait. It didn't matter if it was one, five, or even ten years. If Honoka asked her to wait then she would just have to believe in her.

* * *

"Kotori it's about to start," Umi's voice came from just outside the bedroom door.

"I'll be right out," Kotori's response was quick.

Kotori could hear the chatter coming from her apartment's living room as she sat alone on her bed. A picture in her hands that was many years old by now, edges starting to curl up and creases starting to become more pronounced with it's age.

Staring down at the well aged photo, Kotori smiled a lonely smile. It was the last picture they had taken together before going down their separate paths. They both seemed so happy in the photo, and it reminded Kotori of a now distant promise that she could never bring herself to forget. Diplomas in hand and Kotori leaning into Honoka planting a small kiss on her cheek, both flashing peace signs at the camera. Memories of a wonderful high school romance coming back in full force as she prepared herself for the night's events.

Setting the photo back into the nightstand, Kotori stood up and exited her bedroom. Taking one quick look back at the photo and smiling.

"What took you so long?" Nico questioned from the couch.

"I was just making sure I had everything ready," Kotori smiled and took her place on the chair nearby.

Kotori was happy her apartment was filled with lively chatter and friendly warmth that had become so commonplace when the available members of Muse got together. They all sat around a large table. On the couch opposite her sat Nico, Rin, and Hanayo, Rin and Nico were bickering about something and Hanayo was in the middle doing her best at placating the two. Sitting together on floor near the table were Nozomi and Eli, both content to just share in each others company. Behind them on a pair of out of place stools sat Umi and Maki, Maki going on about how difficult her new job at the hospital was while Umi sat and listened offering comforting words when needed.

The group lacked one crucial member, and Kotori was always reminded of it when they got together like this. It had been years now, but the lack of that ninth member was still apparent despite all the time that had passed.

She shook her head to break out of those thoughts. They weren't doing her any good and she was happy to have everyone here with her right now. Especially on such an important night.

"Everyone be quiet," Umi shushed. "She's about to come on."

Everyone's attention turned toward the television in the corner of the room.

Kotori found it in herself to look at the screen. A large stage was illuminated by bright lights of many different colors. An arena filled to the brim with rabid fans that were chanting for the event to begin. Above the stage, lit up by a single large light was a large banner which read "Honoka Kousaka's Final Live."

"Wow," Hanayo muttered her admiration. "I still can't believe she made it that far."

Murmurs of agreement filled the room, everyone was entranced by the spectacle before them.

"I knew she would," Kotori's words instinctively came out. Even after all these years, she still found herself unconsciously defending their former leader.

"You never doubted her, did you Kotori?" Nozomi's question was more of a statement that was paired with a knowing smirk

"Not once."

Everyone's attention snapped back to the screen as the event neared its start. Chants of Ho-no-ka were rumbling through the large stadium and filtering into the apartment through the speakers.

Kotori may have never doubted Honoka's abilities as an idol, but that didn't mean she wasn't surprised at just how idolized her high school love had become. She never attended one in person, and hardly ever found herself watching videos of Honoka's lives, but seeing this response to a girl Kotori had known since childhood was still strange.

The crowd let out another loud roar, the main event had finally taken the stage.

Kotori figured it had been over a year since she had the nerve to watch one of Honoka's performances. She was just as radiant as Kotori always remembered her to be. That smile that could light up anyone's day, those eyes that Kotori swore she could swim in, and that cheerful voice that could lift even the coldest persons spirits. It was all paired with a young woman who Kotori believed had just gotten more and more beautiful. Her body kept fit and her hair still that wonderful shade of orange. Gone was the side ponytail, instead her hair flowed straight down just below her shoulders.

The performance was electric. The idol singing hit after hit and the crowd cheering along with her. Honoka had made it to the top of the idol world. Not only was she a sensation in Japan, but she had also found International success gaining followers across the globe. It was moments like these that Kotori realized just how far away their paths had lead them from each other.

They both knew that they couldn't keep dating while Honoka pursued her idol career, it would put too much of a strain on them and the idol industry wasn't very welcoming of romantic relationships. But they kept in touch at first, near daily phone calls and multiple texts kept them happy and helped keep them hold onto their promise.

But then the year's started to go by. Those daily phone calls started becoming weekly, then monthly, until finally they stopped altogether. The same thing happened with the texts. What were once daily reaffirmations of their feelings started becoming weekly friendly greetings, finally turning into monthly life updates before stopping completely.

Kotori knew that this distance between them was inevitable, and she knew it wasn't just Honoka's fault. She herself had become busy, from studying under top Japanese designers, to starting her own small line of clothing. They were both on radically different paths that didn't allow for much time for anything else. None of that meant Kotori had given up hope, she had a promise to keep after all, and she would believe in Honoka even if they had grown so estranged over the years. But even with all that hope, it was still hard at times.

The occasional thoughts that maybe Honoka had moved on. Feeling like maybe her love wouldn't be reciprocated, and that Kotori may end up being left behind after all this time. After all, it was simply a high school romance they shared all those years ago, maybe it was time to move on and finally find someone knew. These thoughts were always present, gnawing away in the back of her mind, but Kotori resolved herself to see this through, and she had faith that the one she loved would do the same.

The live was everything people wanted in a farewell concert. Honoka sang many of her top songs, while also catering time to some of her cult hits. Her unyielding energy never letting up once throughout the entire performance. It was the perfect way to send off a proud performer as the show came to its end.

"That was amazing! Honoka was so cool!" Rin voiced her excitement.

"That was a great performance," Maki commented, Umi nodding in agreement alongside her.

"I can't believe that used to perform alongside one of the biggest idols in the industry," Hanayo had her hands clasped together and small stars in her eyes.

"Her dancing has gotten so much better," Eli said, still leaning into Nozomi.

"It was good I guess. I'm sure it would have been better with the great Nico-Nii," the rest of the group moaned in annoyance.

"Nicocchi is just jealous," Nozomi poked fun, Nico crossed her arms and huffed.

"She was pretty amazing," Nico mumbled under her breath.

The night went on in much the same way. Everyone fawning over the performance they just witnessed. Chatting about which song was the best, or which part of the live they enjoyed the most.

Kotori found herself being sucked into the conversation as well. Gushing with Hanayo and Nico about the different outfits that were worn, and how lovely Honoka had looked in each of them. She started reminiscing with Umi, telling the group childhood memories from a time when It was only the three of them.

It had been so long since Kotori had gathered the courage to watch a performance. They always seemed to fill her with a yearning feeling that was difficult to move past, but something about watching this farewell concert with everyone else around made those feelings disappear.

The evening began to come to an end. With hugs and heartfelt goodbyes, Eli and Nozomi were the first to leave, followed quickly by Nico, Rin, and Hanayo. Maki had already made her way to the door, waiting for Umi who was giving the final farewell to Kotori.

"Thanks for having us all over," Umi said as Kotori brought her into a quick hug. "It was fun."

"Yeah, it was," Kotori's words were the truth, and Umi smiled.

"I know I shouldn't bring this up now after we had such a nice night," Umi scratched the back of her head. "But you still believe in Honoka, don't you?"

"Of course I do."

"Good," Umi walked over to a waiting Maki. "Because I know that Honoka wouldn't give up on you."

Kotori didn't respond, instead she just waved as the two walked out the door. She was always thankful for Umi's support, even if she didn't ask for it it was always there, and that made these years so much more bearable.

Kotori groggily cleaned up a few of the bottles and cups left on the table and turned off the television. She stumbled her way into her bedroom, changing quickly into a pair of pajamas and flopping onto her bed.

Before letting herself drift into a sweet slumber she turned her head toward her nightstand. The clock said it was some time in the early hours of the morning, thankful that she didn't have to work in the morning. Her eyes flicked to the old photo sitting next to the clock forcing her lips into a tired grin.

It had been so many years since they even had a conversation together. There had been many times where Kotori doubted whether things would ever work out. If she would be able to continue to hold onto the promise they made, or if Honoka would even remember it after all this time. Kotori's last thought before drifting off to sleep was of Honoka, standing on that stage and giving an incredible performance that she would always try and remember.

Kotori's dreamless slumber was brought to an end by the ringing of her alarm clock. Quickly silencing it, she flung off her covers and decided to start her day.

Shambling through the kitchen, Kotori made herself a quick cup of coffee and a piece of toast for breakfast. She took her breakfast to the couch and relaxed into the calming morning atmosphere. It wasn't often that the designer got days off, so she intended to make full use of it by not moving from the couch and watching some dumb romantic comedies.

While flipping through her selection of movies, Kotori's peaceful morning was interrupted by a knock at her door. Groaning, she got up from the couch and ran a hand through her hair to try and make it look at least slightly presentable. She figured someone must have forgotten something the other night so she didn't put too much stock into her appearance.

"I'm coming I'm coming!" Kotori shouted in annoyance as the knocking grew louder.

Quickly unlocking the door she quickly pulled it open. "It's my day off you know if you forgot something you could have just called." Kotori stated, finally getting a look at her guest.

"Umm, good morning Kotori."

Her voice was just as Kotori remembered it. It hasn't changed much in all these years, it was still able to make her heart race just with some simple words.

Kotori couldn't respond, she couldn't think of the right words. Her mouth filling with saliva that she tried to swallow down.

"I'm sorry for not calling, but I wanted to see you as soon as I could," the woman's quiet words were accompanied by a faint blush.

Kotori's heart continued to race, she couldn't find the proper words to say.

"If you want me to come back later or if you don't want to see me that's okay," the words were forced and we're void of any emotion. Kotori was still trying to form words but nothing was coming out. "I'll leave than. Sorry for just dropping by like this."

"Honoka don't go!" Kotori found her voice and looked up, the two finally meeting each other's eyes. Kotori saw the light sheen of tears forming in Honoka's eyes. "Please come inside."

Honoka beamed at Kotori who followed the now former idol into her apartment.

Kotori was finally able to get a good look at her long lost love. She was dressed in plain clothing that Kotori wouldn't expect a top idol to even own. Tennis shoes, a tight pair of jeans, and a simple sweatshirt were all she had on, but Kotori still though she looked as radiant as the other night during her performance. Though one thing surprised her, Honoka's long hair from the other night had been cut short and had been done up into the familiar side ponytail that Kotori had always loved since they were young.

"Make yourself at home," Kotori ushered Honoka into her living room, her guest taking a seat on the chair opposite the couch. "Do you want anything. I've got tea, coffee, maybe you just water?"

"Coffee would be fine."

Kotori nodded and made her way to the kitchen. She was doing her best to mentally prepare herself for a meeting that had been so many years in the making. She kept telling herself that it was just Honoka, and that her love had come to see her for a reason. A great excitement took hold of her, but it was also paired with an equally intense worry that things may not just immediately go back to the way they were so many years ago.

Pouring the mug of coffee, Kotori noticed a small package of sweet bread sitting on the counter. She had grown a fondness for the food over the years, she chuckled to herself as she picked it up along with the drink.

"Here you go. It's just black, I hope you don't mind." Kotori said setting the cup down on the table alongside the sweet bread.

"It's fine," Honoka leaned to pick up the mug, Kotori took a seat on the couch across from her. "I didn't know you liked bread."

"I've gotten a taste for it recently," Honoka looked as though she were ready to pounce on the food. "You can have it if you want."

"Really?" the answer was a quick nod, and Honoka wasted no time digging in. "It's so good! They never let me eat this while I was working. They always said it was bad for my health."

The room fell silent and Kotori watched Honoka quickly devour the sweet bread. She couldn't help but chuckle, after all these years Honoka still ate like her life depended on it. It helped bring some hope that the girl really hadn't changed all that much.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything. I came over here as soon as I got free time after the show last night." Honoka finished off the last of the bread and fell back into the chair.

"Of course not," Kotori's palms were sweaty. Knowing that Honoka came to see her first thing caused her heart to soar. "I umm… wanted to see you too."

Honoka set her coffee mug back down onto the table and got up from her chair. Kotori watched as Honoka sat down next to her on the couch.

The room again fell into a silence, Kotori was waiting for Honoka to say something and make the first move. She was afraid if she tried to initiate something that it might blow up in her face. Honoka was gripping at the bottom of her sweater, it was obvious to Kotori that she as just as nervous as she herself was. It wasn't a side she often got to see of her love.

"I want to talk about us Kotori," the words were slow. "You know that selfish promise that I forced you into," Kotori nodded, tears building in the corner of her eyes. "Well I still really love you Kotori. That never changed, and I want to know if you still love me."

Kotori let her tears fall, she wasn't trying to hold back anymore. Hearing that all of her hope had paid off after all these years was a feeling that Kotori wasn't sure she could ever feel again. It was a wonderful mixture of relief, joy, and an unbridled love that she didn't know how to begin to put into words.

"I really hope those are happy tears," Honoka was crying alongside Kotori as she scooted in a little close, their shoulder touching ever so slightly.

"I never," Kotori's voice was strained with sobs. "I never stopped thinking about you Honoka. I-I knew that you would come back just like you promised."

Kotori felt a hand snake behind her head and turned her attention toward Honoka. Their lips met for the first time in so many years. So much lost time and so much catching up to do, but right now none of that mattered to either of them. Kotori was in the arms of the person she loved more than anything else in the world, and she lost herself in her desire for more.

Honoka was the first to break away, Kotori whimpered as she pulled away, losing the contact that she had spent so long hoping for.

"I'm sorry Kotori," their faces were inches apart, Kotori could feel Honoka's breath on her lips. "I'm sorry for making you wait and being selfish."

Kotori pulled Honoka back in for another kiss. "Just promise me that you'll stay right here with me."

"Kotori, I'm never going to leave you again. I promise."

Kotori stared at the ocean blue eyes just inches from her face. They held a sense conviction that Kotori knew all too well, and it was all she needed to see to know that whatever Honoka was telling her, she could believe wholeheartedly.

"I know."

Kotori put her own hand behind Honoka's head, burying her fingers in the silky ginger hair and pulling back into another kiss. Another reaffirmation that this was all real, and that the promise they had made so long ago was finally realized.

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happens when an outline evolves into a full one shot in the spur of the moment. You get a story with extra cheese.


End file.
